Film · TV

Wanted: License to thrill

Are you being a misogynist at work? Fed up of leaning against limited edition Aston Martins for shitty promotional posters? Tired of running off into the sunset only to return every single fucking time? Daniel Craig is, and it couldn’t be more obvious.

Craig reacts to the latest script release…

For England’s most recognised one man army, the prospect of seemingly unlimited girls and high-tech weaponry isn’t the temptation it once was, and without the intimidating stares of Judi Dench to combat any sarcastic remarks, it seems being Bond simply isn’t fun anymore.

It comes as no surprise for loving fans (or bored onlookers) that Craig is reportedly set to quit his finest role in showbiz, after becoming so consumed by the history of the stellar character that he probably can’t go down the local without being offered a vodka martini.

“I fucking hate water” – Daniel Craig, probably

The truth is it’s probably best for both parties, despite Craig’s persistent delusions of grandeur, it has to be admitted that the franchise just doesn’t carry the class that it once did under the likes of Connery, Moore, and Dalton. Hell, it doesn’t even have the swagger of the Brosnan days.

Craig’s brought an elegant brutishness to the role, and his acting has been – in every film – far superior to the writing, without a doubt. One can hardly blame the Layer Cake star for searching for pastures new – after all, it comes to something when a former WWE World Heavyweight Champion can sum up an entire feature length film with his only line in the entire movie: “Shit.”

“I am so done with cufflinks.”

There are a few positives of the Craig era, however. For instance, we’ve enjoyed a number of high quality car chases worthy of their era. We’ve seen modernised weaponry – the true iconography of the whole Bond franchise – and we’ve also seen the death of the aforementioned Bautista, that would’ve only been more cliché if it was directly from his own trademark Bautista-bomb.

Bond has also become an avid supporter of the LGBT community.

Now, with rumour lurking that Craig is set for a contract cancellation and switch to a new American TV series, it’s time for the creators to go in a new direction. While Craig himself isn’t losing any sleep over who replaces him – “look, i don’t give a fuck” being a direct quote from him on the matter – and although Anthony Horowitz would certainly disagree, the perfect new Bond almost has to be Idris Elba.

Sure, some would say he’s “too street” (an interesting analogy to use in arguably subtle reference to his race), but the lead of BBC’s Luther would add depth to a psychological side of Bond which has been pushed into the frame more so in recent films that Craig is somewhat ill-qualified to portray (some may say he’s shaken, not stirred.)

MI5 agents are not trained in using the tube

Whichever direction the franchise goes in, it’s time for Bond to take back its quality. Enough of the bang average, overly British iconography – instead let us see more of the classic charm and suave nature that makes Bond who he is, more unachievable-yet-beautifully-presented technology, and perhaps less xenophobia of anyone who’s non-white, if you must change something.

One thing’s for certain, anyway. Daniel Craig will always be loved for bringing to life the Quantum of Solace video game, where stealth and brutishness were thrown together in a calamitously fun yet irritatingly glitchy first person shooter worthy of many hours of expletive inducing gameplay.


All Gif’s via GIPHY.

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